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Shiny new textiles. Shimmering salesman. Beyond polyester. A whole new level. "This suit is made with Teflon, stain resistant at temperatures up to 210 degrees Fahrenheit. Never shrink. Machine washable. Shiny. You'll love it. Your friends will see you shining and they'll wish they had a suit like this. Will you be using a charge card or paying cabbage today?"

"Hold fast, there, chief, I think the suit looks tacky. And you're a dog."

"I can understand how you feel, Mister Smith. Others have felt that I was a dog too. But I've found that once they try on the suit and stride about in their neighborhood, and once they notice the longing looks of their neighbors who wish they had a suit made of miracle fibers, they forget all about dogs and they are glad I insisted on providing this type of important clothing to them, so they could add it to the other smart clothing in their fantastic wardrobe. And they come back to me and thank me, and buy their suits as well as their socks and haberdashery here for the rest of their lives. Will you be paying with a charge card or cabbage today?"

"Wow, maybe you're right. Maybe I should go buy at the haberdashery down the road."

"I can understand how you might feel that way Mister Smith. Others have made the same mistake. But they found that the shop down the road has dogs more worse than me. Will you be paying with a carge-lard next Tuesday at eight or would cabbage Thursday be more con-clean-vent for you?"

"Holy dog! The squirrels of piss twist in your very heart!"

"I'm glad you agree."

"The devil you say! I'm scared. Get away from me, you walking foam-brain!"

"I can understand how you would feel that way Mister Smith. Others have had similar loathing for me. But they've found that the proof is in the suit cloth, not the mail-stand. Will you be paying with slaw-fart or cribbage today?"


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